Tag Archive: vodka

Holy Shit!

So, the weather got kinda crazy today here in my windy city of Lubbock that I call home for two more months.  It was like a scene described in a Laura Ingalls Wilder book, A Shit Ton of Dust on the Prairie.  The kids were fine, playing outside with one of their friends, when all of a sudden I looked out the kitchen window and realized that the sky was red.  That’s right. RED.

Check this out…

That is dirt people.

Here’s another one.

Ummm...is this 1935?

The kids stared out the back door as my daughter asked me, “Is it a tornado?”

I told her no, it was just dirt, to which she replied, “Oh!  It’s a dirtnado!”

That’s when this happened.

Yes, that is a huge branch that crashed into my house.

Winds that were going 40-50 miles per hour decided to take out an innocent tree branch, causing childhood INSANITY in my home.  My daughter almost had a panic attack, until I reminded her that panicking doesn’t make things any better.  She took that to mean that if she acted crazy the dirt and wind would get worse, so I let her continue to think that.   Was that wrong?  My bad.  Meanwhile, I’m watching the tree that the branch fell off of, wondering if any other branches are going to do a backflip with a double twist into my house.

I remain the ever-calm presence of a mom that I am, steering the kids away from the tree’s target area and into the bedroom to play as I continue to make some delicious homemade stroganoff.  (Click here for my yummy recipe!) DELICIOUS!!  Does stroganoff go with red or white wine?  Nevermind…vodka goes with anything. 

That’s right.  Winds are taking down my yard and I’m still cooking dinner for the family.  Fuck you Martha Stewart…I’m hardcore!

Well, I am.  Okay, maybe not go to prison hardcore, but kick your dusty ass with some delicious stroganoff hardcore.  I’ll take mine with that aforementioned shot of vodka.

My goodness…it seems I never make the time to get on here and blog anymore, but due to insomnia (a by-product of working as a bartender) here I am, giving all of you the fantastic opportunity to get another little piece of me.  I really
should be in bed right now, considering I have class in less than 7 hours, and yet…something tells me that I need to write.

How are the kiddos? you may be wondering.  Well, they are fantastic.  Today was picture day, which started off at about 6:30 A.M.  Emily (my brand new kindergartener), decided
that she was going to begin the day with an argument about what to wear for pictures.

Fan-fucking-tastic.  I was still wiping the crust out of my eyes as she began to cry when I told her that she could absolutely not wear the 2 year old capri pants from a thrift store with a hole in the knees and a faded green and yellow flower print in combination with the same thrift store striped purple
and white .50 cent t-shirt.

Don’t get me wrong, I am all about letting your kids express themselves.  She loves those pants.  And if I think that
anything is cute, or nice, or pretty, or fun, it is her absolute rule that it is, in actuality, none of those things.  I get it.  It’s the mother-daughter dynamic.  Trust me…if anyone gets fighting with your mother, it’s me.  And I typically am pretty lenient about letting her express her own sense of
individuality.  Picking my battles and all.  But today was picture day.  I want a cleaned-up-Emily picture.  She seemed to think that picture day was about her, but whoaaaaaa….was she wrong.  Picture day is for me to store you into my
memory as that 5 year old little girl with two missing front teeth.  Damn it.

That was the beginning.  After about 3 meltdowns trying to get her off to school I had to physically push my husband out of bed to take her there and then get his own ass to work.  By this time I am exhausted.  That’s what staying up until 3 in the morning playing Fruit Ninja will get me.  Of course my
handsome baby boy is awake now, all strapped into his tennis shoes and batman underwear, ready to take on the world!  If only Mommy had her batman underwear on…….

Needless to say, Ethan had a
fantastic morning watching PBS while Mommy dozed on the couch, only to be
awakened to my son feeling the size of his apparently amazing turdball through
his batman underwear.  Now I’m awake.  I sit up and command him into the
bathroom to finish off his newly begun underwear art project in peace.  I look
around and realize that it’s going to be a long day.  Especially since we’re out
of coffee.  But even more especially since we are out of Bailey’s to go into the
coffee.  Yup.  Gonna be a long day.